It's a New World . . .

We made yet another trip to Tulsa last weekend.
My sister and I, along with our Mom, had to make a court appearance.  Mom is currently receiving "respite care" in an assisted living center while my sister and I go through the court system of being appointed as Guardians for our Mom.  Mom has been evaluated and told by doctors that she can no longer live alone. We  have been advise to seek Guardianship for her.  Mom has dementia that has began to progress very quickly since November...Mom doesn't understand what is happening and is refusing to accept her diagnosis - therein lies the rub. 

When I first arrived in Tulsa I went to see Mom at the assisted living center.  When I saw her I hugged her.  She hit my arms and told me to keep my hands off of her.  I knew she had done this to others in the family, but somehow I thought I would be different.  Wrong!

We sat and visited with her.
She was clearly agitated and angry with us at times.
We talked about court and what was going to take place.  It was not a pleasant visit, though Mom seemed healthy and reasonably "settled" into her new environment.

The next day we visited Mom again, briefly.
I knew better than to approach her with a hug this time.  We talked about when I would pick her up for court the next day and what she would wear.  She was in a pleasant mood and seemed happy to see me.  When it was time for me to leave I "asked" her if she would give me a hug.  She did.  She teared up a bit at this time and apologized for behaving as she had the day before...I was pleased she had remembered.  I was pleased this had been a good visit. I love my Mom.

We (Mister, DD, and I) picked Mom up as planned the next morning.  I had feared she might refuse to go, but she was in good spirits and we left without incident.  We had pleasant conversation on the drive to the courthouse.  Their was laughter and light conversation on the drive.  We met my sister and her husband at the courthouse and we all waited outside the courtroom door for 1+ hours, until it was our turn to see the judge.  When the judge began to explain why we were in court Mom became agitated.  She cut her eyes to look at me and made a face.  She then told the judge that she had been brought to the courthouse under false pretenses.  She also said she had no idea why she had been brought there...Dementia is an ugly disease.  The judge asked Mom if she wanted an attorney.  "Yes", she certainly did.  Court dismissed so that Mom could obtain counsel.  Bummer!

We will make another trip to Tulsa for the next court date on Jan. 28.  Oh how I hate the thought of making another road trip. The irony is that because of the dementia Mom is fighting my sister and I who are trying to follow the doctor's orders by providing the needed care for her.  We want to bring her here to live with us (Mister, DD, and I) for as long as is possible.  It is my hope that this will happen soon so Mom can get comfortable here before our new granddoll is born in March.

After court Mom told both my sister and I that she hated us and she hoped we died before she did.  There was some profanity woven into her words.  If you're not familiar with dementia you will probably find this very offensive - if you understand dementia you will recognize this as simply "the disease talking". I tried to calm her, to no avail.  We took her back to her assisted living center and we began the long, cold, drive back to Louisiana.  It was a very long day!

I waited three days (hoping she would cool down) then I called Mom.
I expected her to refuse my call, but she didn't.
She was happy and upbeat.
There was no mention of court.
She was actually in somewhat of an excited hurry to be off to her Bingo game. 
My heart soared!

It's a  new world every day when dementia calls the shots.

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Let the record show that I am now reading all sorts of materials about dementia.  I see some of the mistakes I made when visiting with Mom.  Some of her behavior is directly related to mistakes I made.  I should not have approached her quickly and tried to hug her - mistake #1.  I'll do a better job next time.

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Please understand that I write this to document my life.
I'm definitely not pining for sympathy.
I understand that life has seasons and I feel honored (and a little scared) to make this journey with my Mom.  When I think of all the life journeys she has made with me, I am humbled.