SWEET TEA

Friday, December 28, 2012

Going through the CHANGE. . .


Change can be good.
Change can be bad.
But, mostly it often falls somewhere between the two.  We're going through a lot of "change" here on the home front.  It's initially made for a lot of work and bother, just speaking honestly.  However, I find if I pace myself, arm-twist and coerce those around me to help, it really helps with my stress level.


The office in our house has now been emptied, which was no small feat.  It's also been painted a cotton-candy shade of pink, and on it's way to becoming a nursery.  We'd like to have it all in order by the end of January and ready for the sweet granddoll who will join us by the end of March.  The carpet has been shampooed, then shampooed again with bleach water.  That was one BIG mistake.  "Live and learn".  Take it from someone who knows, you don't ever want to do this.  We're now shopping for a room size area rug.  *insert delirious laugh here*

Another big change is coming our way too.
My Mom is coming for an extended visit in late January, and possibly to live with us.  There is not much to be done to the house to prepare for her since the guest room stays pretty much "ready". . .My Mom is 83.  She has been a "rock" for me in so many ways throughout the years.  I love her so very much and there is so much I could say, but I won't for now, other than to say she has been blessed with health and strength her entire life until last October.  At that time the thieving hands of dementia began to rob her of what she has clutched tightly- her independence.  She is facing HUGE changes, none of which she is happy with. (bad sentence. Sorry.)  I want her to be able to live healthy, happy, and independently, but the doctors have said that it is no longer possible for her to live alone.  She doesn't understand the reasoning behind the (multiple) doctors findings, so now she is livid with anger towards my sister and and I.  She sees us as the "bad guys".  This is AWFUL - no way to sugarcoat this part of reality.  She's in the hospital in Tulsa at the moment and when the day comes for her to come with me to Louisiana she is going to be distraught and red-hot angry, for who knows how long.  When I think about this I cannot even imagine how this will unfold, but one thing she has told me all my adult life is she does not want to ever go into a nursing home.  My sister and I are going to try our very best to care for Mom our self.  I am totally moving into uncharted territory for me.  I admit I have no idea what I am doing, but I have been reading up on the subject of "dementia" and will give it my all.

Did I mention we're going through lots of "changes" here?

I pray for strength, wisdom, understanding, and a sweet spirit as I go forward.  I understand I am beginning a new season of life.  It always saddens me a bit to move from one life season to another because I dislike the idea of leaving a current season behind, but "God's grace is always sufficient", so on I go!



21 comments:

Linda said...

You are not KIDDING!!! That's a boat load of CHANGE!!! God has a plan....and he will give you the strength, grace, courage and wherewithal to do what must be done.
Years from now you will look back on this and wonder how in the WORLD you did it! With God nothing is too hard.
(But, I gotta tell you - this sounds hard to me!!)

karen said...

Perhaps your sweet grand baby will be able to soothe one or, hopefully, two hearts here. Interesting how the timing interweaves all of these events together, so who knows what miracles will occur?
You and I could sit down and have quite a chat. I'm currently trying (without much success I might add) to deal with a favorite aunt who is mentally going downhill fast. She is stubborn to boot and has alienated almost everyone but me. So I'm the one who is worrying and fretting over all of her affairs. Yay... Stressful doesn't even begin to describe it. But she has been more than good to me over my lifetime, so how can I abandon her now. Plus I promised my grandmother as she was dying that I would take care of her. I don't know what to do or how to help her. Any thoughts or wisdom learned would be helpful.

karen said...

Perhaps your sweet grand baby will be able to soothe one or, hopefully, two hearts here. Interesting how the timing interweaves all of these events together, so who knows what miracles will occur?
You and I could sit down and have quite a chat. I'm currently trying (without much success I might add) to deal with a favorite aunt who is mentally going downhill fast. She is stubborn to boot and has alienated almost everyone but me. So I'm the one who is worrying and fretting over all of her affairs. Yay... Stressful doesn't even begin to describe it. But she has been more than good to me over my lifetime, so how can I abandon her now. Plus I promised my grandmother as she was dying that I would take care of her. I don't know what to do or how to help her. Any thoughts or wisdom learned would be helpful.

Chatty Crone said...

I see I picked your blog cover for mine - I will have to change it - but give me a week or so.

A girl - or I wish I had a girl gran daughter.

And I went thought the exact same thing with my mom. Moving in. Her anger. Dementia. It is not easy and you will unfortunately learn as you go.

But our moms took care of us and we should do that for them.

Life is hard. You can do it = there will be a lot of love there!

Laurie said...

oh my goodness, so much going on, your house will be full of love that I know for sure, my dad had dementia , its not easy but hopefully she will understand and adjust, sadly the ones closest are the ones thta take the brunt of things, make sure you take care of you too.Best of luck sweet lady,

Joy@aVintageGreen said...

You will have a precious baby with your precious daughter to love.

Your Mom living with you will be a big change. If she has access to home care through any kind of pension or disability pension etc. use it. Huge job. Take any help and assistance that is offered. Share the caring with those who want/will help.

My Mom had personal care (bathing) and Day Camp (music, lunch, crafts, gentle activity twice a week) to give my Dad some Respite over the 10 years of her obvious alzheimer's and then he broke his hip and had to allow Mom to go into Respite Care. She LOVED it. Singing, music, long hallways to pace. And because every second was new to her she didn't fret for long. That helped Dad let go enough so that he could let her stay in care (1 mile from his home) and he can visit any time. He does visit every day for tea and walks and hand holding and hugs and kisses. It isn't easy for him to live alone but he now has care aides twice a day and personal care/housekeeping twice a week plus his church/outings with old friends twice a week and coffee hour once a week. I take care of shopping, doctors, banking, all paperwork etc and give him as much decision making and independence as he wants. He takes a taxi to visit Mom (or his scooter in good weather).

Tough decisions, lots of planning. Keep some time just for you and what you need. Accept help. Share.

Goodness, I think I could write a lot more but I won't today.

Bless you.

Joy

Kay G. said...

Take a deep breath, and HANG IN THERE. This is a lot on your plate, but hopefully, by sharing with your blogging buddies, this might help to ease your burden.
Happy New Year! (I don't mean that with irony, I really mean it.)

acorn hollow said...

that is change for sure! I am sure there will be many blessings along the way.
Cathy

Bobbi and Gracie said...

I really don't know what to say... except that I will be praying for all that you need to go forward.

The word "Saint" comes to mind....

Jeanie said...

I'm so sorry for all that your mom is going through. She is so fortuanate to have you to help her, even though she doesn't see it that way right now. I just hope you will remember to take care of yourself in the midst of all the changes.

Mari said...

Wow - that's a lot going on. You are a great Mom and daughter too.
That new grand baby may be just what your mom needs right now.
Sounds like something that needs to be taken day by day.

yaya said...

You are one busy lady and the next few months will take it's toll. Make sure to take care of you. I can imagine that your hubby and daughter will be stressed too. But taking care of your Mom is a wonderful thing to do. Get as much help and allow others to take some of the load. Look into as many outside programs for seniors as possible and even get some counseling for caring for the aged. You have 2 ends of the spectrum going on...taking care of someone in the beginning of life..a new Grandbaby, and taking care of someone at the end of their life. My sister is living with my Mom and I think keeping all the activity of my sister's children and grandchildren coming and going keeps my Mom's mind sharper and she doesn't have time to think about herself or her aches and pains or problems. That can be good. So I'll keep you in my prayers and 2013 should be a very challenging but rewarding year.

nancygrayce said...

I hope the new baby will be a sweet distraction for your mom.......a child is always a blessing! I understand the need to keep your mom out of the nursing home...when my own mama had to put her mama into the nursing home, it almost killed her. I remember her going at midnight some nights because she couldn't sleep knowing grandma might be scared there.. Now my mama is in a living assisted complex, but has her own apt. And her own furniture. I always planned for her to live with us when she was unable to live alone, but I don't know if that will be possible now.......she can do nothing for herself.....can't walk, can barely use her arms.....and is running out of money quickly! She has caregivers with her all day or she couldn't stay there. I pray constantly she will not outlive her money.

It's a tough thing for sure! Praying for you all!

Nonnie said...

All the ladies above have spoken such wisdom and I agree with them all as you face this season of change. Praying for you and trusting that God's timing on all this is going to be perfect for everybody involved.
*I love the delirious laugh comment! (but really sorry about the bleach and the carpet.) I have had many of the delirious laughs this past year myself, so I know what you're talking about!

Say What? said...

Wow! Your new year is already starting out with incredible challenges.

I have an uncle that is going through dementia. I've learned a lot about that terrible enemy in the past few months talking to my cousin. I'll keep you in my prayers. It's just one of those cruel, cruel life experiences.

Also wishing many blessings on the arrival of your newest grandoll. Can't wait to hear all the beautiful details.

*Your room color reminded me of "Blush and Bashful" in "Steel Magnolias". She's already a true southern belle. :)

Cheri said...

We are going through this with my mom and my suggestions would be to get help or a hired care giver so you can have a break now and then, and if your momma is going to be mad with you, maybe include her with the things for the up coming new grand doll. Hope it all goes well for you.

STILLMAGNOLIA said...

That is a mess of change. I feel your pain on your mom....my mom was very angry when they came to live with us. She was even angrier when I had to put them in assisted living. They needed more care than I, a full time worker could give them. I will pray for a smooth adjustment for you and your mom. I have missed something here....baby? What baby?

Linda Primmer said...

Wow, lots of new changes...It's been awhile since I visited. I hope you had a fabulous Christmas. You are a strong woman and will endure. many blessings to you and your family.

Abi's Blog said...

Praying for you as I read your blog. I haven't blogged in so long, but I still read...someday I'll catch up on my blog. Thinking of you as you go into this new season. I'm like you - I don't like giving up the last season! Have a good week, and I'm praying for you as you take this new season one day at a time. Our God is Big enough! With God - nothing is impossible!
Blessings,
Ava

NanaDiana said...

Oh- What a lot you have on your plate. I went through the same thing with my own mother. She lived with me for 4 years with dementia. It is very draining and takes its toll. I felt so guilty when I could not do it anymore...and the guilt is almost worse than the task at hand. When things calm down a bit after the Holidays shoot me an email and I will discuss it in more detail if you'd like.

But...that new granddoll? Pure JOY! xo Diana

Cheryl @ TFD said...

Wow, you do have a lot of changes coming your way. My dad lived to age 91, with dementia in the last few years of his life. He was always kind of hard to deal with, but one day he realized that he needed to go to a nursing home. He wasn't happy there, but then I don't think he would have been happy anywhere. It's tough seeing your parent aging, especially when they have dementia, and it will require much patience and love as you deal with all that entails. I will say a prayer for you and your mother.
Congrats on the new grandbaby that is coming soon! Blessings to you and your family...

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