SWEET TEA

Wednesday, November 28, 2012

A Princess in her Kingdom

Pretend with me.
Let your imagination wander.

Let's pretend we are a pretty Princess living alone in the kingdom.
We attend church, an occassional play,
go out to dinner with friends weekly, do our banking, and a bit of shopping as needed...We live in a suburb and drive a pretty, red SUV.  It's good being independent and a self-sufficient Princess.

Now - pretend the King decrees that YOU will no longer be allowed to drive.  Not a mile.  Not around the block.  Not even out of your driveway.  Your friends drive - their life in the kingdom remains unchanged, but yours has changed dramatically!
                 The End.

This is my Mom's reality.
She is a fiercely independent, capable woman, who is a widow.  She has always taken pride and joy in being able to take care of herself and her "business".  Then one day everything changed - her health became a bit "dicey" and the doctor said she should no longer drive.  She was crushed and sure the doctor was wrong.  Another doc was consulted.  He too agreed that she should not be driving.  Life as she knows it has now been forever changed...She is so very sad.

I suppose if we are granted longevity we will each reach a point where the privilege of driving is revoked.  This is my first time to get a peek at how this impacts a persons life.  Perhaps you have dealt with this in your family???

Driving = Mobility = Freedom
It would be painful to lose these things.
A Princess likes her freedom to go to the Ball.



24 comments:

Parsley said...

What a difficult situation. No easy answers. Wishing the best for her and you all.

Joy@aVintageGreen said...

My Dad is still roaring mad ant the government for taking his license away when he turned 90. Totally irritated.

It was his freedom to visit his dear wife who is in a care facility 1 km away, freedom to get to church, to the grocery store, the hardware store, out for a haircut, to visit his doctor, to just 'get out'.

Now I drive for the grocery, haircut, Doctor, hardware store. Church members do the driving for church.

Dad has a scooter for short trips in decent weather and takes a taxi to and from to visit mom when the weather isn't ok.

Huge life change for him. For me too.

I really feel for your Mom (and you too). Life changes for you both with this one.

Joy

Laurie said...

oh thats so sad, we all hope and pray to stay independent until we pass but life doesn't always work that way.I lost my ability to drive ( blindness) when I was 43, that was the last day I drove, and it was the hardest thing to give up. I feel for your mum, but I think she got a few more years than I did, I'm 56 now.I never ever thought I would not be driving, since we moved to town I regained some independence though. Country living sucks when you do not drive. I hope your mum can adjust, she will most likely, it may take time, its the asking for help thats the hardest, I walk everywhere on a cloudy day, or take a cab, or I have a real good looking chauffeur, (Garry) lol, give her my best.

skoots1mom said...

my mom's macular degeneration has gotten the best of her and she, too, can no longer drive. It is a sad Chritmas without her ability to scour the thrift stores and build the small gift bags for the younger grandchildren; she cried throughout Thanksgiving and broke my heart. Together we'll be praying for their peace and accepting their new normal...

Susie said...

My mother used to say"if I could never drive again, you may as well kill me." Yes, she said that. She was driving to the end. My mom was a good driver. I feel that it is heart breaking for your mom. Older people do associate driving with freedom. I hope there are plenty who are willing to drive your mom around. Bless her heart.xo, Susie

Nonnie said...

Another of the hard realities of growing older and one of those things I don't like to think about ever happening to me. We take our independence and freedom so for granted. It makes me sad for your Mom and you because I know it is hard for you dealing with these frustrations from a distance.

Linda Chapman said...

This is hard on you, too. It's hard to see our mothers 'age'.....even as we, ourselves, are aging with every year. My mom has not driven since the day before she had a stroke 6 years ago. We are all blessed in that she doesn't really miss it that much and has grown more and more comfortable with staying inside her home (she lives with one of my sisters) where she feels safe and secure. Are you still there with her? I so agree with what Joy said - life has changed for you BOTH!

Chatty Crone said...

Oh I think it will be the hardest day to give up your car = independence - it was for my mom too. I feel bad for her. sandie

Mari said...

We just got that same message about my husbands step-dad. His mom had a small stroke in October and isn't driving now, so this is going to be tough. Sorry your Mom is dealing with this.

NanaDiana said...

That is so sad. I know how hard that must be on her. Driving is one of my greatest pleasures so I can sympathize. God bless your sweet Mama. xo Diana

Jeanie said...

The loss of independence is one of the most painful parts of aging I think. I hope your mom can adjust and that those friends that still drive can help her maintain a little of the life she has been used to.

nancygrayce said...

I can so relate! In the year 20000, mama started having real health problems and she had to stop driving.....she lived about 6 more years in our family home before moving to an assisted living complex. It was so hard for h to leave her home of over 50 years, where she and daddy raised six children. Now she is helpless and has to have caregivers. It breaks my heart!

Joanna Jenkins said...

Not being able to drive anymore has to be devastating. My heart goes out to your mom as she makes this huge adjustment. I'm so glad you were able to be with her for Thanksgiving. That must have made her so happy.
xo jj

Simone said...

That's got to be the hardest moment of realization for your mom..that she can no longer drive. I hope that she knows that it is time to enjoy being chauffered instead. I know it doesn't make up for it but I'm praying that she finds peace.

Melanie said...

I understand what you are saying. It was difficult when Daddy quit driving. He has Alzheimer's and could not understand why he couldn't drive. He no longer understood safety and drove on the wrong side of the road, off of the road and anything else that was dangerous. It was very difficult. Mama took his keys and replaced them with some old keys so he would still have keys in his pocket. One day while we were staying with him he decided that he was going "over yonder" and got in his truck. We went out there with him, trying not to make him mad. He managed to crank his truck with a set of keys that did not go to that truck!!! We managed to keep him there at the house only because he could not figure out how to put the truck in gear and ended up calling the EMT's to help us get him back into the house. That was one of the most terrifying, sickening, upseting and horrible days of my life. We knew that we could not let him move that truck because he would hurt himself and anyone that happened to be on the road at that time. At this point he no longer had a license and could not understand why he could not drive without one. I drove the truck down to my brother's house that day. We had left it in the yard because he questioned what happened to his truck one day when it was gone. I cried all of the way to my brother's house, that was the most difficult drive of my life!!! Sadly he quickly forgot about his truck, and the keys from his pocket are no longer there.
My heart goes out to you and your precious Mom!! I am so sorry that she is no longer able to drive. It is heartbreaking to see things like this happen to your parents! Big hugs to you and your Mom!!!

Robin @ Be Still and Know said...

Time rolls on and the hard decision have to be made, one day our children will be doing the same for us. Praying for peace and acceptance for your mom's new normal.

Blessings
R

Tammy said...

Wow, I feel so bad for your Mom, it's a hard thing to deal with. I can't imagine losing my freedom like that. Big Hugs!!

karen said...

I'm dealing with that now. I have an elderly aunt (my mother's sister) who just lost her license because 1. She thought it was Sunday (it was Saturday) and she was going to drive to church 2. She ignored the fact that the road was barricaded off ("I only needed to go 1 block!") and proceeded to drive directly into a local parade. Needless to say the police nabbed her license. She is very unhappy about it. She's a little gone, but not so far gone that she doesn't miss her independence. Luckily I live close by and will take her wherever she needs to go, but it's not the same, as you can imagine.

yaya said...

In Illinois you have take the driving test every 2yrs after age 76..I think..anyway, this year Mom flunked the test. She's 86. But she's a good 86..except for her bad eye...and she forgot to wear her hearing aid the day of the test. So she took a "redo" and passed it..unfortunately. I know she will be devastated when it happens. My Sister drives her almost everywhere but Mom still takes off now and again for the store and everyday for Church. She so values her independence. I just worry she'll hurt someone else one day.

Jill said...

My heart goes out to you and her. This happened to my grandma and it was devastating to her. She became quite depressed, it is hard losing freedom and independence. I don't think I'd handle it well as I like getting in my van and going without having to wait for anyone. Sending lots f positive vibes your way. Hugs!

Sincerely,
Jill

Marsha @Spots and Wrinkles said...

Both of my sisters have health problems that no longer allow them to drive - and they are BOTH younger than I am. Scary!

So sorry for your Mom's heartache. It comes to all of us sooner or later.
I'll bet you are an encouragement to her though.

Jill of All Trades said...

Oh gosh, so scary. I dread the day we have to take Daddy's car and keys away from him. I saw it happen for my Granny and it broke my heart but a few ditches and mailboxes, the decision was made for her. So far Daddy is still a very good driver, so far.

Donna said...

It happened to both my dad and father-in-law. My dad had an accident so mom took over the driving. When she passed away he had to go into assisted living. I took him places that he wanted to go but he said until the end, "I could drive if I wanted to". My poor father-in-law was the same way except he realized it himself and was just brokenhearted about it. You are right, it takes you back to before pre-school when you didn't even have training wheels. Your mother will adjust but it sure is hard. Good Luck.

Madi and Mom said...

Oh I'm so sorry but surely know what you mean. My mom fell and broke her hip on Oct 10...her mobility was limited before the fall due to polymyositis she too has lost her independence. Many prayers and hugs coming your way.
Hugs madi and Mom

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