SWEET TEA

Monday, August 15, 2011

Letting go.

Have you ever felt the need to
let a friendship go?

As much as I love my friends,
and I DO LOVE MY FRIENDS,
I have one friendship that
really is not working.

I"ve pulled waaaay back,
over the course of a couple of years.
We live in different states so that's not
been terribly hard to do.

I don't want to "discuss" this with her
as I know it would turn to blame, denial,
and finger-pointing.

For a number of years we were "good friends",
but never "best friends".
I'd say we were a "7" on a scale of "10".

Still, she continues to email and sometimes
call my husband, wanting to know "why?".
She even text me last week, again.
We are talking about meeting for lunch
but, I really don't want to.
She manipulates me.
(and she's doing it again)
This is one reason the friendship
has failed.
She's a nice person.
I'm a nice person.
BUT,
time and circumstances have changed
and the things that once knit our
friendship together are gone.
Sad but true.

Have you ever been in a situation
such as this one?

23 comments:

Country Wings in Phoenix said...

Good Morning Sweetie...
I know right where you are at. I had a friend like that as well. She was literally smothering me, and I finally had to cut the strings and walk away. I couldn't enjoy my other friendships, she wouldn't allow it.

You are so smart to walk away. Sometimes we lose a big part of ourselves trying to mend and hold onto something that is really making us ill in the long run. Let the sun shine in your heart sweet friend. Enjoy life.

A beautiful write this morning from your heart. I love it. Thank you for sharing. Country hugs and much love, Sherry

"Say What?" said...

I'm in a situation just like that right now and I spent some time praying about it this very morning. Mine is very similar, but it's even more difficult because this person is family. I don't know what the right thing to do is. All I do know is that if I weren't related to this person, I'd never choose to be around her.

{{hugs}} I know how difficult this is. I'll be thinking of you and wondering how things went.

karen said...

Ohhh I know just what you're talking about! I've been there, and even though the relationship is a bit toxic, it's still painful to let go for some reason. At least I always felt like if I tried a little harder I could fix it. But I couldn't and it just ended up causing me more pain. Let it go. Hope all goes well.

Kelli said...

You're doing what's right for you, and if you don't do that, who will? That's the attitude I finally had to take regarding several relationships in my life over the last couple of years. I have always had the tendency to be....well, as my daughters put it, 'too nice'. I allow people to use me, walk on me, wipe their nasty feet on me, etc. Always have. But I've been making changes and putting an end to it. No more accepting the unacceptable. I'm standing up for myself the best way I know how. Not through confrontation (I'm not good with confrontation) but by simply staying away from the people/situations that make me sad/angry/hurt/miserable. It's working for me. Hope it does for you, too. (((hugs)))

A Vintage Green said...

Always an uncomfortable problem.

You brought back memories similar to your current post. I love call display, that helped. Finally I said NO I Can not..to her face since she was local - turned out she was just a user - wanted, wanted, wanted (stuff, time) and never a giver (listening, sharing back etc.) and finally she faded out, although a tiny shadow remains, but without any contact so that was a relief.
- Joy

Jill said...

It's never easy when a friendship ends, but sometimes it is necessary. A friendship should bring you joy and great memories, not stress or sadness. Follow your heart and allow the people in it who build you up...not bring you down. I wish you all the best. Sending hugs...

Blessings,
Jill

Sush said...

I think most of us have been there done that at some point. Only you can know what is best for you...and it sounds like you do know. Gracious endings are hoped for, but if only you can be the gracious one...you've done your best.

Hugs for being honest and brave~

Just Stuff From a Boomer said...

Oh, yes. Just out of curiosity, is she an only child? I have found that those are the toughest relationships. These people are so used to "getting" that they don't know how to "give". I realized a long time ago that I was her best friend but she wasn't mine. I moved far away from all my friends so she doesn't need me now. Time to let go. It's kind of a relief actually.

Give yourself permission to think of your needs first this time.

Amy said...

Go with your gut and do what makes you happy because you are the one that has to live with the decisions you make. I have been in this situation before... and I know that no one likes to loose a friend but if that friendship makes you unhappy then it is not a good relationship to waste you time and effort on.

Hugs... I know it is difficult and I wish you the best!

Cheri said...

I agree with all these ladies...most of us have been there at one time or another and you have to do what is right for you. As hard as it is, maybe you should communicate with her (whatever way makes you feel comfortable) and let her know that this friendship is not working for you...it will be painful for both of you but she deserves to know and you deserve to not have the texts, emails and phone calls...that can get stressful. As my daughter always tells me....just rip the bandaid off. Good luck.

Kimmy said...

I'm so sorry!! I understand cause I have had to do the same thing. Right around this past Christmas, in fact. I wrote about it here: http://ourlifesjourney02.blogspot.com/2010/11/closing-chapter.html

It was difficult, but it wasn't as hard as I thought it would be as I had already had it set in my mind a month or do prior. I was just "waiting" to see if I was overreacting when in doubt, I wasn't.

So, here's to a new chapter!! May you have much happiness!!! HUGS

Madi and Mom said...

Yes I have been in the same posiiton. I don't like to be manipulated nor would I manipulate.
A friendship is supposed to be a safe place. How dare she draw your hubby into this? Each time you see that person you should feel like you have come home. It should not be hard ...yes it is time to move on. People grow and change and that has happened. I send you my best for a painless resolution.
Hugs C

Joyce said...

In a word yes. We solved it by moving overseas : ) Seriously, that did the trick. We're in touch occasionally but are no longer in the same town upon moving back so that helps enormously. It's hard. I wouldn't want to be unkind but maybe you can keep putting her off in her request for lunch and she'll get the hint?

Thank you for your kind thoughts regarding my niece.

Chatty Crone said...

I am in this situation now - and it is a dilemma - it's not easy - but know you are NOT a lone!

yaya said...

Yes, I've "been there, done that" with a friend also. Sometimes it's for our own mental health that we step back. Once it was because my friend and I really just outgrew our relationship..she never married, no children, etc..lives just going in different directions. We wished each other well, and that was that! Do what you need too and you'll feel so much better.

Rita said...

I have had this EXACT situation happen to me (and is still currently happening to me). My so called "friend" is there for me when I am down to comfort me but when I start feeling better my friend just makes me feel worse. We have been friends for as long as I can remember and no matter where I move my friend keeps following me. My friend and I have had many battles over the years and yet we have stuck it out even though I wish I would never see my friend again. My friend, who I SO wish would just GO AWAY, is chocolate ;P

STILLMAGNOLIA said...

Yep and it is not fun dealing with it either.

Jeanie said...

Life is too short to cultivate a toxic friendship. You will be far better off in the long run by doing what you know in your heart is right for you.

nancygrayce said...

Yep, I'm in a friendship like that. I have a very needy friend. I have pulled back but not entirely. I have told her that I dread seeing her name on caller i.d. hoping that she will understand that I just can't be her dr., lawyer or mama.

Friendship is like any other relationship, it can't thrive unless both parties are healthy.

SouthLakesMom said...

Rick Warren calls these people "EGR's" (extra grace required). God, in His gracious, loving way has shown me, through relationships like the one you're describing, that occasionally I have been guilty of the same type of behavior. Because of that, I have learned how to deal with them.

I have found that writing a letter is a great way to let that person go. I've poured out my heart, and angst, and anger ... and then let it sit for a day or two. And then prayed some more. And then gone back and looked at it and pulled out the things that would fit into Philippians 4:8 and Ephesians 4:15, and lovingly, crafted a note to my former friend.

If someone who cares about them never tells them the problem, they will never learn and live a very sad life.

Just my .02

Chocolate Covered Daydreams said...

I had someone that was like a sister to me, for a moment until she began to make me feel smothered. She didn't see herself as much as I tried to share from my heart and not hurt her feelings. I wrote her a goodbye letter (email) and bravely hit send. She countered that one with a retort but instead of me going back and forth, I decided not to respond back. She found me on FB and I added her for a moment and then deleted her. I just felt that we had just grown apart.

Bobbi said...

Yep, been there.. and I think we all have at one time or another.. often there comes a time to go separate ways..

Beverly @ The Buzz said...

That's a hard thing. At least, you live in different states and don't have to see her very often. Good luck and thanks for sharing your heart.

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