SWEET TEA

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Friday, August 10, 2012

Core Ache.

This is how I feel
and I know you can barely contain yourself waiting for me to reveal my innermost thoughts.  This IS your lucky day 'cause I'm gonna throw it out into blogland, simple and raw.

I feel sad.
I feel sad because my son and DIL (remember the wedding photos from June?) are packing up to leave Okla and heading to Washington state.  No longer will I be able to visit easily and I'm feeling very sad about the entire situation.  Our close knit family is splintered; we live scattered across the states.  I live in Louisiana, and I now have a daughter in Okla, a son in Georgia, and in a couple of weeks I'll have a son in Washington.  Who knows where Princess will live when she is "out of the nest".  All my older chicks have flown and with it go my Norman Rockwell dreams of holidays together, birthdays together, and grandchildren at my knee.  Those things are not gonna happen very often.  I will have to find new dreams and that is not always an easy thing to do.  Yes, I know I'm whining, but old dreams die hard.  Reasonable or not, this is how I feel.

This is what I know.
I know that my children's lives cannot be about "me", though I had hoped to be involved in their life at least to a small degree.  I know that change happens, whether we like it or not.  I know that my son and DIL are excited and happy about the move, and I comfort myself with this thought.  I know that it is going to take me a while to emotionally adjust.  When the oil & gas boom fizzled in Okla and we saw that a move was necessary for Mister's job, we were willing to move only as far as a day's drive away from our adult children.  That limited the places we could relocate.  Louisiana was a suitable move for us, as it is a 6 hour drive to Tulsa and a 12 hr drive to Georgia.  Washington is a 36 hr drive from our town. That fact is a heart-breaker for me. There is just something about knowing if you wanted or needed to reach your family that it would be doable in a reasonable amount of time.  That will no longer be the case.  I am not a smothering, helicopter parent - I PROMISE.  I think all my "kids" would vouch for me on this one, but I am about family, right down to my core.

I have a core ache.   











26 comments:

Nonnie said...

I have been thinking of you ever since your pickle story. Your dil's blog is on your reading list and her blog name caught my attention. I read it and made the connection and knew the reason for your sadness. My heart "feels" for you. Deep down.

Mari said...

I understand those goals and feel the same. It's not being a helicopter parent - it's just being a mom. I feel your pain too.

Chatty Crone said...

Gosh it took me about ten years to get over (?) my core ache when my son moved to Ohio. I like you had a dream. But God's plans were otherwise. I know your pain. sandie

Cheri said...

Thank you Debbie because that is exactly the way I feel. Our girls live in PA,NC and TX and it is hard with not seeing them as much as I'd like and now with grandchildren coming along. Like you, are closest are our NC children at 5 hours but they use to live in Washington state and we flew there several times the 2 years they were stationed there. You will LOVE to visit there and go to Pikes Place Market. We are kindered spirits in this area so feel free to email me and we can help each other through this.

Like Mari said, you are just being a mom.

A Tale of Two Cities said...

That is such an honest and poignant expression of your feelings at this point in your life. I know exactly what you mean, although I have one son nearby and one in London. Having them close by was always the dream I carried in my heart. May there be many opportunities in your future to have them all near to you again!

Bobbi said...

Aww.. Debbie.. I don't know what to say. My three live within ten miles of me, so I cannot even relate... I would be very sad too... Hopefully there will be many 'reunions' along life's way..

Grandma Yellow Hair said...

Oh sweet friend I am hurting for you as I read this.
You have to be hurting and feeling sad. I know I would be too. I must never complain again about not seeing mine like I want too. I am blessed that so far we all live in Texas.
Please take care of yourself and not let this eat you a live. It will be okay and maybe one day you can all live closer together.
I know I don't have the words you need right now but I do feel your pain
Love
Maggie

Shelly said...

Ahh, I feel that hurt. I'm so sorry they are moving so far away. I totally get what you are saying.

laurie said...

I feel your pain, its heart wrenching to not have our dreams of everyone together for hoilidays and birthdays, I have watched this dream fade too, it hurts, it still makes me sad but when they do come its heavenly and I enjoy it to the max, we have to adjust thats all, sorry this is happening to you as well, you'll be fine, you can go visit them, I think the hardest part its that we rarely are all together at once, we miss that part.

Anonymous said...

I live in Washington stare one of the most beautiful and lovely states to inhabit..we did not get the drought and horrible heat from hell here, we have ski mountains visible from most cities, jobs for people to be able to pay for food and homes (Seattle) I live at the butt end of the state near Oregon, we suffer a lot because of Oregon, hunger and joblessness now homelessness, I work for these to be eliminated and still love it here a bus ride for a senior is only about $20.00 a month it goes into Portland no less..There are places to get food, and housing, people are just to me nicer, we came from Aurora, Colorado had a tri-level home only $36,000 in 1976 lovely home, gas forced air and everything brick and lovely neighbors, we went back every couple of years to see the place where our only child was born, it has changed so much, I would never live there again, we had an opportunity to buy a nice home not far from Columbine High School in Littleton, my husband had a funny feeling about that area & look what happened there, everyone I worked with was from some place elese and loved it but it has too many mentally ill people and gun crazies for me, no thank you very much. Are you not happy your children can find work and a decent place to live????? Washington is ranked high in the Seattle Tacoma area and Snohomish county area as a wonderful place for jobs and homes...school still get funded here and really only about 38 days of any heat if at all and sunshine, the rest of the days are 4 distinct seasons, including sometimes snow, but it doesn't go on and on unless your son and daughter in law are to live in Spokane, it is icy, snowing and horrible for about 2 to 3 months but the native Wahsingtonians are accustomed to it..be grateful your kids have jobs, a place to call a home, and their health..many in our country don't have that at all.BE GRATEFUL!

NanaDiana said...

I know-I know- I know- We have our children that live close by-the farthest is going to probably move to Atlanta- a 15 hour drive for us. I can't imagine your heartache.

I am NOT in agreement with ANONYMOUS- (I hate anonymous comments) because I KNOW that you are happy for your kids and grateful for all they have. I also know that you love them and feel connected to them. If you are not close to your kids, you have no idea the heartache it produces when they move away. Blessings to you - I wish I could give you a big old hug- xo Diana

Laney said...

The good thing about family being across the world now a days is that everyone is into technology. Now you can respond faster by email. or better yet chat. If you dont know what Skype is then I'd have you and your family download it and you can talk to each other and see each other as well when you talk to each other. hope this helps

Say What? said...

Let me put another spin on it ... you are SO BLESSED to have such a wonderful, close family. My MIL goes years (Yes, YEARS) without visiting, calling, returning calls, acknowledging gifts, etc. My husband once went 7 yrs w/o seeing his mother because she couldn't be bothered. BREAKS MY HEART! I've seen photos of you and your son and read a few post/comments he makes on fb here-and-there. You'll find a way. I know you don't like to fly, but I have a feeling you'll conquer that and become a better traveler than you expected. The PacNW is BEAUTIFUL and every southern girl should see it. ;)

Now, having said all that ... this is one of my personal, inner fears; that my boys will move off and I won't be a part of their day-to-day life. :/ I don't know how you feel yet, but I kinda believe I will one day. ((hugs))

yaya said...

I'm so sorry. I have the same feeling since my #2 son is moving with his family to Oregon. He took a job with a new company and it's a great opportunity but I hate to fly and Ore. and Ohio, even though they have Big O's in their name, are no where near each other. He was in Michigan...so sad too. It's OK to be sad...Even the Walton TV show kiddos moved away from the mountain..don't ask me what that has to do with anything...

Simone said...

I feel your pain because a few months ago, in the midst of being sick and in and out of the hospital, I realized that my kids have finally "left" the nest. Although they are both about 50 minutes away, they have schedules, friends and other things that take up a great portion of their time. I was sad when I realized that they didn't need me the same way anymore until I realized that I should feel so very proud that they are great kids that others want to share time with. Now is the time to make new traditions that will give you all a chance to get together more often. Hugs to you. I know it is tough.

nancygrayce said...

Bless your heart! I know this is hard for you even though you have a lot of things you "know"! All my grands live away from our town and only one can we drive to in a day. So know you're in my thoughts as this huge change happens!

Jill of All Trades said...

Oh I so know how you feel. It is so very hard for those baby birds to fly out of that nest so very far away. Our baby girl is sunny California and I am not a traveler only going once to see her. I just feel sad for you.

Beth J said...

Trust me, I understand. Bittersweet...

Teresa said...

Motherhood, Only a mother knows the strings that tie the bond of our children. (for most) Good/Bad. My oldest is only 1 hr away but it isn't always easy to stop everything and go for a visit. We talk several times a week. I even left home one night at 10:00 because she was going through a divorce and having a really bad time. Called off work without even a thought. I had to be there. I know your dreams of the grands and family all around during special times. We do have that...but more room is part of my dream also. But I wouldn't trade it. I had to tell myself things just aren't like we dream. I have to make the best of what we have. "LOVE" That will get us through.

SouthLakesMom said...

My first is just leaving the nest for college. I'm quite relieved she decided against going to school in South Africa. Two hours away is just fine. ;-)

karen said...

I understand completely. We are in California, and our kids are in Utah, Colorado, Texas, Massachusetts, and New York. This will be our first holiday season without at least one chick close by. It's sad, but you'll have a wonderful place to visit. Washington is one of my favorite destinations - Pikes Market Place, wonderful restaurants, beautiful coastline, and beautiful forests to hike in with lush ferns - all right next to the Puget Sound! But that doesn't help you in the short term, and believe me, I DO understand the empty heart you have right now.

Carol Pirozek said...

We only have one child and her name is Hope...we are lucky she lives right here in this same town as we do with our 5 grandchildren..if they were to ever move I would be right behind them all packed and ready to follow..I feel so so bad for you to have to be alone now without them..oh!!!I could NEVER do that!! I would have to go follow one of them at least...Take care!! Carol

jamiewhitewyatt said...

I just found your blog, and feel like I know you! I can imagine how it would feel to be that far from my two. I don't even like imagining it! I'm sure you'll be creative, and figure out ways to stay connected. Will look forward to seeing how you do it!

Joyce said...

I too live a distance from my children and while I know there are much bigger more serious things in this world to worry about it doesn't mean our issues are insignificant.

My hubs and I have also almost always lived a fair distance from our own parents. We raised our children to know there is a big wide world out there and I suppose now I have to let them live in it : ) We fly a lot. It's a pain and its expensive but I have to weigh that with my need to have face time with my kids. It's never enough but I have made peace with it (mostly). Every now and then I throw myself a little pity party and I think that's okay. I don't invite anyone else-it's my own private shindig and sometimes a good cry helps. Thinking of you!

Anonymous said...

SWEET TEA! When you come visit them, you can visit me! If they're on the west coast side of the state, that is.

Especially if you come in May when we have a Christian Writers Conference....cuz yore an amazing writer and all.

However, as selfishly excited as I am about you coming to visit me, I am sad for you. Why do kids have to grow up and move away anyway? Sheesh. I threaten my kids that SOMEONE has to live near me. I went through a lot of trouble to raise six kids, they owe me. :)

Anyhoo, your heartache gives a testimony that you are a good mom with good relationships with your kids. I'm so sorry for your pain...

mommamindy.wordpress.com

Annesphamily said...

I feel for you! I now what you mean. Nick is 9 hours from us. But all the other kids are here with the exception of Noelle and phamily, two doors away! You're a mom and that is why you feel the way you do! Love and Hugs Anne

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