my SPECIAL day

This is a very special day for me.

I am officially a 30 year

thyroid cancer SURVIVOR as of today!

I really do not like to think back to this painful

time in my life yet I feel it is good to remember

and give thanks for how far I've come.

My story is not one of bravery and unwavering

faith in God.  This was the most frightened

I have ever been in my entire life.

I was young.

I/we had 3 small children.

I was busy.

I had plans.

Cancer was most certainly

not on my "to do" list.

I went into surgery for what I thought
was a benign thyroid nodule.  I knew
there was a very small chance that
this thyroid "thing" might
be malignant, but I also knew the
odds were very good that it
was not.
After the surgery I was told

everything had tested fine - no cancer

was found.

Three days later a pathologist came into

my room and quite bluntly told me there

was some "question" about the test

results and it would take a few more

days to be certain, but it was very

likely I did have cancer.

I was so shocked that I could not speak.

My husband was with me.

He held me.

He talked to me.

I had no words.

It was literally several minutes

before I could find my voice to speak.

I'd never had that experience before

and have never had it since.

I suppose it was the shock.

4 days later I had surgery again.

This was considered "preventative surgery".

The prognosis was fantastic,

but I was not.

I fell into a deep, dark, pit of depression.

It was a dark place,

a place I hope I never see again.

It lasted for many months.

I could tell you stories - but not now.

My husband was steadfast and refused

to let me sink alone.  My parents, my sister,

and a few close friends kept me afloat.

They prayed for me.

They loved me.

They helped with the children.

They hung with me when I had no interest
in anything.  When the tears came
often and uncontrollably they remained steadfast.

It was a long, slow, path back to

feeling whole again.

I am blessed in that I required no

chemo or radiation.  I am certainly

no cancer expert and I certainly have

no  great Christian testimony.

Actually, if this was a spiritual test,

I'd honestly say I deserve an "F".

There were times I was angry.

There were times I felt far from God's love.

There were times I questioned the "why"?

I had no great strength and I certainly

could find no happiness or peace

during this stormy season of life.

I have heard people talk about far greater

loss, suffering and pain and how the

peace and promise of God "kept

them" during their trial.

I am not one of them.

If anything I felt like the weakest,

most helpless creature in all

of God's creation.

If I learned anything from this experience

it is simply the fact that by myself

I AM weak and totally dependent

upon God. The good news is God is strong!
He is stronger than anger, doubt, despair,
and pain.  And he places wonderful
people in our lives to be
his "hands-on" love.

Fast Forward to now - I am happy beyond

measure.  My life is better than I could have
ever imagined.  I am healthy.

Our 3 small children are now grown and

we have even added another daughter

to our clan; she is 17.  We have

3 beautiful granddolls and hope

to have even more someday.

* * * * * * * * * * *

I'm not really sure why I decided to share

all of this, after all it is an "old" story.

I think I just wanted you to know

that I have a thankful heart, and perhaps

if there is even one of you, my readers,

who feels weak and ill-prepared

for the situation you are in,

"be encouraged". 

~SWEET TEA

bunkodeb@aol.com

*If you made it through this l-o-n-g

post, thanks for sticking with me.  ;-)